Synopsis: Flight 21 is in trouble; a bug in the automated landing program has doomed everyone on board, unless passenger and reluctant programmer Jonny Rebuto can debug the program in the next 17 minutes. We take you back now to the Airport Control Tower, where flight-controller John and airline rep Sonia have just convinced Jonny Rebuto to press the escape key on the plane's console... John: ...Three! Jonny Rebuto stabs the escape key. Suddenly, the plane is filled with the sound of roaring engines and tortured wind as the plane rocks and bounces. A huge screaming whine rises in pitch as the plane spirals into a dive. Pilot: This is McIntyre here. Flight 21, remember? John: Yes, dammit, McIntyre! Of course I remember you! What the hell is going on up there? Pilot: Well, this here dune-buggy is buckin' and kickin' like a two-year-old stallion with hemorrhoids in a dust-storm on a hot-day when the horse-flies are bitin' like a team o' F-14's firin' buckets a bb's out of a fire-hose and the... John: Cut the horseshit, McIntyre, and just tell me what's happening! Pilot: Basically, ground, we're spiraling down in a shallow uncontrolled dive. I estimate our ETA with the ground at about three minutes and forty seconds, give or take... John: Rebuto!!! Come in!!! Now listen to me, Jonny, there's been a slight change in plans. You only have three minutes to fix that damn program. You hear me, Rebuto? Jonny: [Sweating profusely, he answers over the sound of screaming passengers in the background] Yeah, yeah, what do I do? John: What does the screen say now, Jonny? Jonny: Let's see, uh... "Volume in drive C has no label..." John: [Clicking off the mike, turning to Sonia, his assistant Bob, and Jonny's Department Manager] I thought you said this guy was a goddamn programmer, fer cry-sakes! Bob grabs some papers from Jonny's DM and rifles through them on his clipboard. Bob: He has a certificate from ITT, a couple courses in Word Processing from the Learning Annex, and expense reports for the books, "MS-DOS 2.0 Tricks", "You Can Learn Object-Oriented Operating Systems Programming in Three Weeks", and "Romulo-Remus: Nicholas Wirth's Last Try". John: [Putting his head in his hands] Shit. Bob: I have to go call the insurance company. Maybe they can get the families of the passengers to sign some kind of a-priori agreement. John, you better see how far you can get with Mr. Rebuto before final impact. It might help our case to show we did everything possible, etcetera and so forth. Go through the motions. John: [In a dry, almost sarcastic tone] Mr. Rebuto, would you be so kind as to type, "EDIT SOURCE.ASM" for me please? Jonny: Okay, I did it. Hey, what is this stuff? Jonny begins PAGE-DOWNing furiously, scanning the lines of programming source-code. One of the flight-attendants faints, slumping onto his shoulder, but he just pushes her off. The other attendant is sobbing. Attendant: I could have been a court-reporter like my sister. The travel-benefits aren't as good, but at least I would be ALIIIIIVE! [breaks down sobbing again] John: Okay, Mr. Rebuto, what you are looking at there is 12,000 lines of assembler code. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, of course, is to find the buggy line of code, and fix it. You have about two minutes, give or take a few seconds. Jonny: But I don't remember assembler! Isn't there a Lotus macro version of this program? That I know! This is hopeless, hopeless. When I went to college, there wasn't any MOB command in assembler... There is a moment of silence in the control tower. Sonia takes the mike. Sonia: Excuse me, Jonny, but what did you just say? Jonny: I said, is there a Lotus macro version of this program? That I know! Then I said, "This is hopeless, hopeless." Sonia: Yes, yes, Jonny, and then what did you say about a MOB command? Jonny: Well, when I got that D in assembly-language, there wasn't any MOB command. I mean at the time... Sonia: JONNY! JONNY! There STILL ISN'T any MOB command! Jonny: Really? Well, there's a line here that says, MOB something. Just one. There are some others that say, MOV, but no more MOB's. Sonia: Change it, Jonny, change it! Change it to MOV, Jonny, do it for me, do it for all the passengers on the plane... Bob: Not to mention the stockholders... Sonia: ...and please Jonny, do it QUICKLY! Jonny: Sure, edit the line, no problem. Sonia: Save the file... Jonny: Sure, save the file... no problem. Sonia: Now compile the file, Jonny. Jonny: Sure, compile the file... no problem. Sonia: Now link the file, Jonny. Jonny: What? Sonia: Link the file! Link the file, Jonny! Jonny: [jumping back from the keyboard] NO! NO! I can't link the file! Don't ask me to link the file! I just can't do it!!! Sonia: Why, Jonny? What's the matter? For the love of god, Jonny, why won't you just link the file? The Department Manager steps forward. DM: It was right after the war.. John: World War II? DM: No, Panama. Jonny was in love with a woman over in accounting. One night she was preparing the quarterly numbers. Jonny stayed late to do some tech support. He was using a new product that compiles and links Lotus macros into an executable file, and he was helping her out. The file compiled fine, and they were so happy together, it seemed like all was perfect. Sonia: And then? DM: During the link cycle, the linker crashed. Trashed all of her files, her disk, her work... all up in smoke. She was fired the next day. Never came back. Never left word of where she could be reached. Oh sure, Jonny tried a few searches on Compuserve. Sonia: But he never found her... The DM walks over to the window, looks out into the dark night, his back to the room, his hands in his pockets. DM: Jonny blamed himself. Heaped on the blame, then heaped on some more. Never forgot it. [Turning back to face the others] To this day, he won't touch a linker. Interpreters, compilers, real-time late-binding stuff, no problem. But won't touch a linker. We tried to get him some training, but he wouldn't go. Bob: Wow... DM: Even changed his name to "Rebuto" so that he would never forget her. Before that, his name was "Icebrakker". Sonia: OH!!! Sonia half-faints. Bob and the DM hold her up. She raises one hand to her forehead. Sonia: Please. I'm okay. Let me have the mike. Sonia: [Quietly] Jonny, you have to link that program or many innocent people will die tonight. Jonny: I can't, I can't do it! Sonia: Jonny, oh Jonny, this is me, Sonia... Sonia in accounting!!! Jonny: Sonia! Sonia: Jonny! Jonny: You know I don't deserve to live, Sonia! I'm sorry for what I did, though... Sonia: Oh, Jonny, there's something you should know... Jonny: You don't have to explain anything to me, Sonia, I'll always love you.. Sonia: You don't understand, Jonny. You see, Jonny, the week after the incident, I was working with my spreadsheet model on my new job, and I discovered there was a... a... a... circular reference in my formula! That's why the linker crashed! It wasn't your fault at all! Jonny: Sonia! Sonia: I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you would never forgive me! Jonny: I forgive you now, Sonia! Sonia: And I love you, too, Jonny. Jonny: Okay, Sonia, maybe I can link this darn program. It's just a little old linker, right? Just a couple taps on the keyboard and then a carriage-return, right? What's to be afraid of? Sonia: You're my hero, Jonny, just like you always were! Pilot: I can just about make out the license plates on the cars in that shopping center 12,000 feet below us, folks, which should put our time of impact at about 1 minute from now. Unless you'd like to get a lot closer look, I'd suggest you fix that dang-fool piece of a landing program right about now. Jonny: Okay, I'm linking the program... It's going, no errors, processing all the make files. Done! John: Okay, Jonny now reload the exe! Jonny: Loading... Suddenly, the plane loops out of the dive and steers back on course. The screaming sound of wind and roaring engines dies down. Attendant: In preparation for landing, please raise your seats to their upright and most uncomfortable position, and stow all baggage. We thank you for flying with us tonight, and hope you have had a pleasant journey. Pilot: This is flight 21, preparing for final approach. Request landing slot. John: You're gonna have to circle for awhile like everyone else. We're pretty busy down here, and you missed your turn. Pilot: Roger, John. Sonia: I love you, Jonny Icebrakker. I'll be waiting for you in Area C when you land. Jonny: I can't wait to see you, Sonia. Bob: Well, that will be soon enough. You can give her a big hug. Jonny: [anxiously] A hug? DM: It was after the war. Grenada. Jonny had a brother down in the mailroom. He was sorting mail using this big sorting machine. Jonny stopped in, and gave his brother a big friendly hug. Suddenly, his brother's shirt got caught in the sorting machine... John: Shift's over. I'm outta here... Bob: I'm right behind you... Sonia: Wait for me... THE END

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